Did you hear about the race
between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Michelle, Pittsburgh
What did one cow say to the other cow?
:Do you want to see a moooooooooovie?
Jessica, Canada
what do you call a egg when you
drop it?
a scrambled egg
Teffany, Quebec
Why did the turkey cross the road ?
To prove she's not chicken!
Jordan - 7, Virginia
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion?
So they won't peel.
Peyton - 9, Lychburg, VA
Q. What did Jesus do to the alphabet?
A. He calmed the "c's"
Julie L.M. - 12 ,Texas
Q. What do you call a vampire covered in frost?
A. Frostbite
Q: Where do you put a smart hot dog?
A: On the honor roll.
Q: What was the hot dog's name?
A: Frank.
Q: Where did the hotdog named frank love to be?
A: The ball park.
Jessica H - 9, Canada
why didnt the chicken cross the road
becase its a chicken
Amanda P - 11, Porsthmouth VA
What did Jonah try to do when he saw the big blue whale?
He tried to cheer him up!
Did you hear about the race between the
lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to
"ketchup"!
Chrissy B. - 5, Minot, ND
Q: What kind of worm travels?
A: An earthworm.
Jillian - 10, Canada
why was 6 afaid of 7
because 7 ate 9
Josiah S - 10, Beckley
Q: what did the dressing say to the refrigerator?
A: shut the door i'm dressing!!
Brooke H - 8, DeRidder, LA
Why did a mother bear tell her baby bear to put on his socks?
Because he had bear feet.
What did the hotdog say when it crossed the finish line first?
I'm the weiner
What did the chicken say before it crossed the road?
I'm gonna chicken out.
Joshua G - 10, Florence, SC
Q: Why did the man push his volkswagen into
into the grocery store?
A: Because it was his buggie
{get it}
Luke M - 8, Western Reserve, OH
Q. Where do ants go to show off their talents?
A. To a talant show!
Cassie M - 10, Western Reserve, OH
Q. Why was the boy afraid to eat his lunch at the beach?
A. He was afraid of the sandwich (sand witch).
Daniel - 9.5, CA
How long did it take the turtle to get across the road?
I don't know...we are still waiting.
what do u call a pig that knows karate?
pork chop!!
Karen, Arkansas
Did you know that Arkansas is found in the Bible??
"Noah looked out the "Ark and saw""
Megan B - 5, Russellville, AR
How do you catch a squrrel?
climb up a tree, and act like a nut.
Jackie - 10, Calgary, Canada
Why did the burglar take a bath?
Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!!
Kayla, 12 - West Virgina
How Do angels say "hello"?
"haylo" :-)
Kimberley Faye Ashmore, 10 - Melbourne,
Australia
Why did the cat want to work in the hospital?
Answer: because it wanted to be a first aid kit.
ben, 10 - ny ny
Q: why was one afraid of two
A: I dont know i was asking you
Melissa, 6 - Chico,CA
What do you call a cow that eats grass in your backyard?
Answer: A "lawn mooer"!!
Caroline Eisenhart, Age
9, Kansas,USA
Q: Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: He saw a chick!
(A Girl)
Denay Weyant, Age 8, Pa,USA
Q:
What do you call a cow in a earth quake?
A: A milkshake!
Lucas Calleja, Age 7,
Victoria Park, Western Australia
Q: Why do koalas carry their babies on their back?
A: Because they cant push a pram up the tree!
(Pram is another term for Baby Stroller)
Shari Edsall, Age 10-Ontario, Canada
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
Because He wanted to go to "High" School!
Hody Baker, Age 10, Arkansas, USA
How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Who knows? As soon as it turns on they scatter!
Rion Ali, Age 11, Sangre Grande, Trinidad
Mother: Jenny, why are you reading Jack and the Bean Stalk as a
prayer?
Jenny: Well, I thought God might be tired of the 'ol prayer!
Sarah Jernigan, Age 11, Georgia, USA
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He knew he would get fried!
Janie Jones, Age 18, Dothan Alabama, U.S.A
What did the chicken say to the other chicken?
We are going to be fried!
Katie Zink, Age 9, Florida U.S.A
Why did the farmer kick the baseball players of the field?
They kept hitting fowls!
Aaron Valentine, Age 11, M.I., U.S.A
What did the cow say to the horse?
Mooooooove!
Brandon Patrick,Age 12, West Virginia, USA
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To Join the chickens for a feast!
Christopher Casados ,Age 4, C.A. U.S.A
Who was the first one to carry the gospel?
Mary!
Jeremy P. Bowers Manteca,
California
Why was the doctor angry with the judge?
He was always trying his patients!
Nathaniel Figueroa, age10,
millersburg Ohio USA
When was tennis mentioned in the Bible?
when Moses served in pharaohs court!
Anna Bentley, Boiling Springs, SC
What do you call a dog at the beach?
A hot dog.
Matthias L Miller, 11 Hutchinson,
KS USA
Did you hear about the fire at the shoe factory?
5000 souls were lost.
Kevin Christensen, age 9, Anchor
Piont AK
Where do cows go on Saturday nights?
The Mooooooovies!
Kevin Christensen, age 9, Anchor
Piont AK
Q: Why did the chicken not cross the road?
A: To prove his family right!!!!!!
Naomi Age:8
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny!
Naomi Age:8
Why do cows eat grass?
To get their mootrients.
Ashley Williams, age 11,
Bradenton, FL
Q: why did the girl throw the clock
A: she wonted to see time fly
Ashley Williams, age 11,
Bradenton,FL.
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground-Beef! Ha Ha Ha!!
Deanna & Amanda Frisco TX
What does President Goo call his country?
Answer: The Goo-nited States Of America!
Kaitlyn Bettner, age 6 of Tustin,
California
Q: What time is it when an Elephant sits on your fence?
A: Time to buy a new fence
Timothy Bettner, age 7 of Tustin,
California
Q: Why did Silly Billy tip toe pass the medicine cabinet?
A: He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills
Erica Lynn Holcomb, 7 - Burleson,
Texas
Where does dragon milk come from?
Short legged cows.
Michelle Stin, 9 - Mississippi
What is green, has four wheels, and flies?
"A GARBAGE TRUCK"!
What did the rug say to the vacuum
cleaner?
"EAT MY DUST"!
Who won the Wart
Hog beauty contest?
"NO ONE"!
I have green skin, three tongues,five
arms,and one eyeball.
What am I?
"VERY UGLY"!
Did you hear the one about the
cock-roach pudding?
" NEVER MIND YOU WOULD NEVER SWALLOW IT"!
Did you you hear the one about the
town dump?
" ITS A LOT OF GARBAGE"!
How do you turn a Butterfinger candy
bar into a Crunch candy bar ?
Put it on the ground and step on it and, CRUNCH!!!!!
What did the doctor say to the
Invisible Man's wife?
I can't see anything wrong with your husband.
What do you get when you cross a owl
with a duck?
A real wise quacker.
Jason Beene, 8 - Las Vegas, Nevada
Why did the boy shake the cow?
Because he wanted a milk shake!
What goes Tick-Tick Woof-Woof?
A Watch Dog!
Tiffany Shilts, 11 - Magalia,
California
Q. How do you sell a chicken to a deaf man?
A. DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN?!!!!!!!!!!!
Q. If a plane crashed on the border of
U.S.A and
Canada where would they bury the survivers?
A. They would not bury the survivers.
Nathan Witt, 9 -
Clinchco, VA
What kind of car does an electrician drive?
A "voltswagon!"
Jeremy P. Bowers, Age 11, Manteca,
CA U.S.A.
Q: Why did the Cyclops shut down his own school?
A: Because He only had one pupil. (student)
what do u call a blind dinosaur dog?
a do-u-think-he-sauras REX
Q.How do you make a blind man upset.
A. Rearange his furniture!
Justin & Brandie Burns -
Ventura, California
Q: What is a skeletons favorite instrument?
A: Trom-bone
JJ, 10 - Coosbay Oregon
Why wasn't the girl afraid of the shark?
Because it was a man eating shark.
Austin Box, 10 -
Yukon/Mustang, OK
How do you make a hotdog stand?
Take its chair away!
Anonymous - Canada
What is the last thing you take off before going to bed?
Your feet off the floor.
What did one wall say to the other
wall?
Meet you at the corner.
Ryan, 4 - Lancaster Ontario Canada
What dinosaur loves pancakes?
A tri-syrup-tops.
Calissa Livingston, 10, Marion, IA
What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A teacher says, " Spit out your gum." and a train says, "Chew, chew."
Stacey Robak, 10 - New York
Whats A computers favorite dance?
The disc-o
Joseph Wahba
There is a man running home. He sees a masked man, he looks in that man's hands he
quickly turns around and runs the other way.
What is happening????
Answer: HE IS PLAYING BASEBALL
Alex, 10 - Montebello, California
Why is 8 afraid of 7?
Because seven eight nine
Which light's did Noah use in the ark?
Flood Light's
Alex Gagliardi - Montebello,
California
With what weapon do bees sting people?
With a be be gun.
Ha!Ha!Ha!Ho!Ho!Ho!He!He!He!!!!!!!!!
What does a dog say when you tell him
what cavers this house?
The dog says, ROOF! ROOF! ROOF! ROOF!
Gator Jelly
What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Time to go to sweep!
Umbro - 12, Lilburn, Georgia, USA
How do you keep a 300 lb hamster from charging?
Take away it's credit cards!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!!!!!
Miss Trunick, Legacy Oaks
Christian School
What's as big as an elephant but doesn't wieght as much?
It's shadow
From Bethan Johns ( 7 ) South
Wales United Kingdom
Which Fish sings?
A Tuna Fish.
What do you give an injured lemon?
Lemonade.
Anonymous
Why did the elephant lie down in the middle of the sidewalk:?
To trip the ants....
Anonymous
What did one cat say to the other cat when Noah had told them to leave the ark?
Answer: Is "ararat" around here?
William Roman, 11 - Houston, Texas
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off.
An alien landed on Earth and the first
thing he saw was a bird.
Alien: "Bird, can you tell me where the closest hotel is?"
Bird: "Cheep, cheep!"
Alien: "It better be! It cost me a fortune getting here!"
Matt Blagg, 10 - Houston, Texas
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck.
Becca Ramsey - Conyers, Georgia.
What is Irish, sometimes green, and can be found on your back porch?
Answer: Pattie 'O' furniture.
Hannah, 11 - Illinois
Teacher: Mike, come find the United States on the map.
Mike: Yes, Teacher. (He finds it.)
Teacher: Very good. Now, class, do you know who discovered the United States?
Class: Mike did!
Courtney Deans 9yrs - Alberta
Canada,
What do you call an empty jar of Cheese Whiz?
Cheese Was!
Courtney age 7 Cleveland, Ohio
What is the difference between a man and a dog?
One wears trousers the other pants!
Brooke age 6 Cleveland, Ohio
Why did the bald man have so many keys?
Because he lost his locks!
Maggie Stewart, 12 - from San
José, Costa Rica.
John: I wish I lived hundreds of years ago.
Teacher: Why?
John: I wouldn't have to study so much history.
Why can't Cindirela play baseball?
She ran away from the ball.
Author Unknown, from somewhere
Why did the gum cross the road ?
cause it was stuck to the bottam of the chickens foot
Jason Tulberg, 11, Valdosta,
Georgia
What did the snail say when it got on a turtle's back?
"WHEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Brett King Stover 11
Blountville, TN
Customer: Waiter!! What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: looks like the backstroke to me
Elisabeth Eskes, 8 - Ripon,
California
Question: What can we learn from the story of Jonah and the Whale?
Answer: You can't keep a good man down.
Melissa Reynolds - West Virginia
Did you hear the joke about the bed?
It hasn't been made yet!!
Clara (9), Trinity United
Methodist Church; Columbus, OH
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
Amy (10), Trinity United
Methodist Church; Columbus, OH
Camper: What is blue and red all over with yellow spots?
Counselor: I don't know.
Camper: I don't know either, but it's climbing in the window of our cabin.
Katarina Hanson, 9 - Bermuda
Dunes, CA
Q: why don't skeletons play music in church?
A:they don't have any organs!
Grace, 11 and Laura, 12 -
Columbus, OH
Question: What's purple and swings on a vine?
Answer: Tarzan of the grapes!
Leah Davis, 10 -
Cincinnati, Ohio
If you are in a room with no windows or doors and you only have
a mirror, how do you get out?
Answer: You look in the mirror and see what you saw.
You take the saw and cut the mirror in half.
Two halves make a whole (hole).
You crawl through the hole and you're out!
Janna Davis, 8 - Cincinnati,
Ohio
Why did the chicken bok?
Answer: Because he had chicken boks (pox).
Rosanna, N.j. Pompton Lakes
How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boggie in it.
Kaileigh Weese , Kansas
What kind of sickness do bees get?
THE HIVES
Christina Cramer, 9, Absecon,
NJ, USA
What does the mayonaisse say when you open the refrigerator door?
SHUT THE DOOR, I'M DRESSING!
Taylor Irwin 6 yrs old
Question? Why does a Cow have a bell?
Ans. Because his horns don't work.
Question? What do you call a bull
when it is sleeping?
Ans. A BULL-DOZER
Kelsie, age 8, Cottonwood, AZ
USA
Why was the chef mean?
Because he beat the eggs, whipped the cream and mashed the potatoes. Ha Ha
Rachel Liedeman, age 5, Toronto,
Ontario, Canada
Why don't dogs drive?
They'd get too many barking tickets.
Rachael Manoula, 10 , Hayward,
California, U.S.A.
Mr. X: Doctor, Doctor! I keep thinking I'm a dumpling!!!!!
Doctor, Don't get into such a stew!
Michael Toth, age 10, Dallas,
Georgia, USA
Q. How did the inventor of the sink make out?
A. He cleaned up!
Q. Why did the inventor
keep tinkering
with her insect exercise machine?
A. She had some bugs to work out!
John Liu, 8, Hong Kong
Q. Click! Click! What sound is it?
A. Eating something.
Brad Graham, 10 - South Korea
(dad's in Army)
Q: What has two hands, but can't hold anything?
A: A clock.
Q: What has eyes, but can't see?
A: A potato.
Kevin Pleva, 8 - Brunswick, Ohio
When do Donald and Daffy Duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn
Jeremy Horneck, 11 - Phillips,
Wisconsin
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station
What kind of baseball games did they
play in medieval times?
knight games
There is a rooster on the peak of a
roof. If he lays an egg,
which side of the roof would it roll down?
Neither. Roosters don't lay eggs
Adam Falkner, Alaska
Doctor: How's the patient who swallowed
the Quarter?
Nurse: No change yet.
Stephanie Elaine Averill, 11 -
Skiatook, Oklahoma
Stephanie: I've been skating since I was two years old.
Michelle: Wow! You must be tired!
Brian P. Holder
How do you you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
Jennifer Lynne Junot, 11 - Abita
Springs Louisiana U.S.A.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
I have no idea (A No-eyed deer)
What do you call a deer with no eyes
or legs?
...still no idea (A still no-eyed deer)
See if you can figure this out!
YY U R YY U B I C U R YY 4 ME!
"Too wise, you are too wise you be I see you are too wise for me."
Kristen Harrington, 13 - Hayward,
California
Where is a sneeze useually pointed?
Achoo! (At you)
Did you hear about the boy/girl who
keeps going around saying "NO"?
No...
What's 5Q + 5Q?
10Q!
Your welcome!
Why are the pages of a book like the
days of a persons life?
They're numbered!
When can sinner be spelled with 1
letter?
When it's "U'!
Kendra Clark, 8 - Albertville,
Alabama
What's part tree and part pig?
A Porky Pine!
What is a good miracle?
To see the mighty lord!
Mallory, 8 - Long Beach MS
What do you get when you pass a person holding an orange with a horn?
A "Tutti-fruiti"!
Laurel Colin, Age 10
What did the subject say to the predicate?
You're way behind me!!
From A.Kraus (11) London England
Q.What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A.Your too young to smoke.
What do you call a box of duck?
Quackers
What is worse than finding a worm in
an apple?
finding only half a worm!
From Christopher Kennard. Dunedin,
Otago, New Zealand ;South Pacific
If you have six oranges in one hand and six oranges in the other hand what do you
have?
Very big hands.
Patient: Doctor doctor, I keep
thinking I'm invisible
Doctor: who said that.
Melissa A. McInnis, Age 8 - Warner
Robins, GA. U.S.A
What did the carrot and the squash say to the corn?
Lettuce in!!
Brad age 8
Why did the chicken lay an egg when the fox came around?
So that he could scramble!
Wesley age 6
Q: What side of the dog has more fur?
A: The outside!
Megan Stephens, Age 5
What do you get when you cross a quarter pound of ground beef with a hummingbird?
A quarter pound humburger.
Why did the tomato cross the road?
Because he wanted to ketchup with his friends.
What do you get when you cross a
rooster, a cocker spaniel and a French poodle?
A Cocker Poodle Do!
Why did the lettuce cross the road?
To get to the Salad Bar.
Elizabeth Coates, age 10
What do you get if you cross a lizard with a baseball player?
An outfielder who catches flies with his tongue.
Sam - Age 7 NY
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the GUTS!!!!
Heather: "That last joke of
yours was two thirds of a pun."
Jeffery: "How do you mean?"
Heather: "P.U."
Tysin Smith - 8 yrs old, from
Manhattan, Kansas
Q. Who can stay single even if he marries lots of women?
A. A preacher.
Holly & Eddie - Alice Springs,
Northern Territory, Australia
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren't any chickens around then.
(Of course we believe that the Bible tells us there would
have been chickens around then - people too! - Prof. Pockets)
Emma - Age 5
Why don't lions like to eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
From Grade 3/4M, Eastbourne Primary
School - Victoria, Australia
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saurus
Ted Preston - Charlton Heights
Question: How does one dinosaur tell another to go faster?
Answer: "Pronto Saurus!"
Jeremy Carpenter - Montgomery
"What do you call a singing shampoo?"
"A soap opera!"
"What did the lizard say to his
girlfriend?"
"Iguana love you forever!"
Eric Stuyck
What's Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O'Furniture!
Dan Campbell age 5 - Halifax, Nova
Scotia, Canada
What does an elephant do when it breaks it's toe?
It calls a toe truck!
John Lorimer
What did the man say to the wall?
"One more crack and I'll plaster you".
Angela and Whisper
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers!
Kristen King (9 years old) Darwin,
Northern Territory, Australia.
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice Bubbles
Where do cows go at night?
The moooovies
What type of shoes do koala's wear?
Gumboots
What's a kangaroo's favorite
show?
sixty minutes
Donna Capps sends us these quick
jokes
where should a 500-pound alien go?
On a diet.
What did the wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
Why was Cinderella such a bad basketball player?
Her coach was a pumpkin.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the baseball team?
Because she ran away from the ball.
What does Cinderella Seal wear?
Glass flippers!
Diane age, 12
What's the difference between a train and a teacher?
The train says "choo choo" and the teacher says spit out your gum.
David Helmly, Age 8
Q:What's the best way to catch a squirrel?
A: You climb a tree and act like a nut.
Bobby Kegley, Age 5 - Chicago IL
Why wouldn't the shrimp share?
Because he was shellfish.
What do you do if you sit on a cactus?
Get up!
Jeffrey Daniels, 11 years old
Why was 6 scared of 7?
because 7 ate(8)9
Do you have a joke
you'd love the world to laugh at?
Submit It Here!!
